Should I help my fiance out of debt?
My fiance is in about 2k of debt and really stressed out all the time. I feel like his stress from his debt is getting in the way of our relationship because he is not as happy as he should be. When he first got in debt I offered to help but he refused, since my income was not that great at the time either (but I had money saved up that I could lend) and I think it hurts his pride to. He works but has bills to pay and even when he does put money towards it it’s not enough and it just grows and never really shrinks. I am going to start a new job soon where I will be making some real money and I really want to just help him pay it off so we don’t have to worry about it coming back later on. Do you think I should just let him keep trying to pay it off him self and not even try to offer the help or try to help again in the future when I will be making some decent money? He is most likely going to refuse again but I atleast want him to know that if he wants to end his debt at that time he could.
In case it matters, he originally got into debt because of schooling. Before he was 18, (he started college a little early) his parents told him to pay with his credit card (because supposedly it would help build good credit) and that they would pay him back, but never did. He went into debt and didn’t get a job until several months later but it grew by then. He may not be very good with money but personally my credit is nearly perfect and I am great with money so I feel like we could balance it out.
Be careful with this. Finances are a huge issue and I would not help him until you were married and HIS debt problem jointly becomes YOUR debt problem.
I know you have offered, but he has already said no once…don’t continue to hurt his pride. The next step is to marry the guy and pay off his debt as a one-year anniversary present.
Now just a few tips since you are marrying someone in debt…
1) Ask him how he got in debt in the first place
2) Have one joint account in which you put only the money necessary for that month
3) Have a savings account that only you have access to (if he cannot be trusted to not touch it)
whether you help pay it or not, my advice is that if you cannot work this out . . . do not marry
I would probably offer that if he pays it down to a certian amount I would pay off the rest
April 26th, 2011 at 1:01 amReferences :
Nice of you to offer to pay it off for him but personally, I would have him work through it and pay it off himself. Money is one of the top reasons why couples divorce. If he’s stressed out about it now and you’re not even married yet – this is a good lesson for him to persevere and work through this to pay it off on his own and be disciplined about budgeting his money. Although the story will be different if you were married already, because essentially you should work to solve problems together as a couple… you’re not married yet so I just think this is a good character building instance for him to weather the storm.
It is up to you and what you feel comfortable with in the end though.
April 26th, 2011 at 1:39 amReferences :
Be careful with this. Finances are a huge issue and I would not help him until you were married and HIS debt problem jointly becomes YOUR debt problem.
I know you have offered, but he has already said no once…don’t continue to hurt his pride. The next step is to marry the guy and pay off his debt as a one-year anniversary present.
Now just a few tips since you are marrying someone in debt…
April 26th, 2011 at 1:52 am1) Ask him how he got in debt in the first place
2) Have one joint account in which you put only the money necessary for that month
3) Have a savings account that only you have access to (if he cannot be trusted to not touch it)
References :
$2000 and he can’t figure out how to pay it off?
Don’t pay it off for him unless you are absolutely willing to give away this $2000.
What worries me is that he does not have the necessary financial skills to pay such a small debt off when he has a job. Even with a minimum wage job he should be able to get this done. If he does not want you to pay for it then why is he stressed out over it all the time?
Do you really want to be with somebody that can’t handle money?
April 26th, 2011 at 2:26 amReferences :
Money is the main reason couples divorce. This relationship does not sound like it’s off to a good start. Good luck.
April 26th, 2011 at 2:47 amReferences :
He clearly doesn’t want you to pay the debt, but that may be simply his pride speaking. Do a little research. Find out what the debt is for (student loans? credit card? moneylender? car purchase? expensive unnecessary item?) and the interest rate being charged. Suss out the alternatives, and any terms and conditions. For instance, credit union may offer a lower interest rate, but you need to be a regular-saving member for a couple of months before you may apply for a loan. Typically a first loan with them is 3 times the balance you have saved, but it could be a bigger loan. They don’t charge extra fees (loan arrangement fees, account maintenance fees, late/penalty fees, etc.) Compare what your credit union can offer with what each bank or other finance place can.
If you are living with him, you probably have a set budget each week for groceries and other expenses. Announce that because of the recession, you are going to try to cut some of the spending there. My favourite way is by supermarket shopping late in the evening when reduced-to-clear prices have been cut for the last time. There is less choice then, but potentially huge savings. Keep aside anything you save, and give it to him near the due date for the debt repayment.
If you are not living with him, then you are going out on regular dates, and might find free or nearly free interesting things to do. Instead of a dinner or lunch date for two, how about an occasional picnic in the park or at the beach? You could also look out for free (perhaps open air) concerts, book launches, historical walks or other once-off events. Spending a day with friends helping them dig gardens/paint walls/move house/make a patio will cost nothing, but will forge stronger bonds with those friends. Someday they will return the favour.
Any of these measures will help show your man that you are on his side. It will help him pay off his debt rather than you simply taking it over. By the way, 2k isn’t a huge debt. If you could save 40 a week, the debt would be clear in not much more than a year. Even if you can’t do this all the time, every week you can brings that zero balance a bit closer. See if you can persuade him to take it on as a challenge you can do together. Good luck !!!!
April 26th, 2011 at 3:26 amReferences :
Deciding whether or not to help a fiancé pay off debts is a matter of personal choice. Think it through! Will helping him or her with financial difficulties be the best solution for all parties involved? Will it end up saving you money in the long run? There are certain instances when paying your fiancé’s bills can actually improve your own life. At a later date, he or she could end up paying you back.
Anyone with a job is bound to be appreciative of anyone who pays their bills off for them. In the future, through paying off the bills, new opportunities and events could turn the quality of your life into something truly special. Time always plays a part in the enjoyment of your lifestyle, so anything that stands in the way of your happiness should be dealt with.
For more Information visit : http://www.gemstonefinancial.co.uk/
April 26th, 2011 at 3:57 amReferences :
http://www.gemstonefinancial.co.uk/